I am in a vortex of obligation.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
