I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Randomize
