he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
