Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize