So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
