I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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