Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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