sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
