Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
