I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
