4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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