Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
