Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
