I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
