There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
