So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
