You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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