I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
