I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
