maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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