I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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