You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
