A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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