I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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