another moral hangover. fuck.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
