I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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