I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
