I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
