A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
