your room smells of hookers.
And success
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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