Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize