Betty ford says i'm here all night
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
