oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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