i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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