Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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