Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
