yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize