i already hear my dad disowning me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
