i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
