just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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