just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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