can u get pink eye on your cock?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I am naked and annoyed.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
