I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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