I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
