you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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