oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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