I wish I could punch you in the face.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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