I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
