Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
