What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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