Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
