i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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