dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
