69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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