fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
