i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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