just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
