Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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