He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
