I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Everyone says I win the strip club
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
