I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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