Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
