He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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