woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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