You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
high people should be assigned attendants
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
