Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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