Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
