the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
