Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
