if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
