On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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