Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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