I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
