You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
