Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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