this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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