i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
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