He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
