believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
