I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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