My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
from now on my penis is your penis
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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