So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Bring me that man meat
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
