Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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