Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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