So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize