ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
