I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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