I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize