I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
