How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
