Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
