i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
