Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
