I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
