Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I currently don't understand fingers.
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