Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
