You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
is wine microwaveable?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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