He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
