Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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