ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
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Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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