id be glad to
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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