Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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