I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
