Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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