In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize