My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
