You can't special order awesome
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
