the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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